It's snowing at Easter, yep that's right Easter ... time for hot cross buns and Chocolate eggs, not god-damn-snowmen
People start wearing sunglasses indoors. Oh wait, some idiots already do that thinking it looks cool - when everyone else just looks around for their Labrador, assuming they're blind
Strawberries replace chestnuts as traditional Christmas food this Yuletide
Anyone leaving the fridge door open longer than 30 seconds can be heavily fined, as it could easily bring on the next ice age - we're on that much of a delicate ego system now
The government resorts to drastic measures come July in an effort to bring on the missing Summer; they ask everyone to turn their heating up and open all the windows, in order to kick-start the good weather
Men wearing sandals with white socks no longer looks stupid beyond all belief anymore
Leaves no longer turn brown in Autumn, but the flowers that start blooming look amazing
Chestnuts replace strawberries at Wimbledon next year
Penguins and Polar bears switch poles, just in case it helps things out - it doesn't, but the air miles they gain comes in useful for cheap holidays
Summer is replaced by Autumn, Spring is replaced by Winter – if that's not confusing enough, they're all only 5 weeks long and switch around every 9 weeks
Don’t bother typing new words, just Cut and Paste letters from existing documents instead
Use candles instead of bulbs, with the possible exception of cycling – as they seem to keep going out for some reason
Reduce your carbon footprint for a year, stay in bed for 12 months and just have take-out delivered three times a day from as far away as possible
Never feed cows baked beans on toast, they contribute enough bad gas to the world already
Reuse your bathwater instead of just emptying it away, try making tea or watering the garden with it – do your best to ignore the taste and all the flowers dying
Instead of buying a new mobile phone, which are almost impossible to fully recycle anyway – furnish all your friends with polystyrene cups and a lengths of string
Whenever possible wear leather, as cows are one of the highest contributors to Global Warming and we have to stop this - leather socks always look good and could be an excellent substitution for shoes
Make sure everything is switched off at night, unless you work in an ICU ward at a hospital – as equipment there tends to be important, no matter what time of the day
Spend 10 minutes each day helping the environment, try painting branches of a tree green – save it the effort it goes through each year
Recycle more , pedal backwards at least three times a week
