Top 10 tell tale signs that your friends don't like you anymore
by God of War
Your private inbox is always empty, even the spammers don't bother
You only get 3 birthday cards, and one of those is from next doors cat
When you phone any of them, you get the response: "this phone number no longer exists"
When you pop round, there's a "for sale" sign in the garden, planks have been nailed to the doors and windows, yet you suspect that through the crack in that wooden beam, someone is looking at you
Your girlfriend/partner/wife/husband (delete as necessary) gets invited to the parties of "said" friends. They typically decline to save your blushes, but mysteriously have to "go out" on said evening.
Friends reunited have entire years missing during the periods you attended school, university and previous places of work
Parents of friends invent elaborate stories about how their son/daughter hasn't been in touch since they joined the Christian Missionaries and haven't been seen since the mass slaughter of 100,000 Westerners in the African province of Ungabootabong.
That old hang-out that you and all your old friends used to go to every year, on the same day, at the same time to acknowledge the brotherhood of friendship is deserted. All that remains is a half full picnic hamper, some freshly poured yet half drunk mugs of tea, a cloud of dust and some fresh tyre marks.
When you send them birthday cards, they go to the trouble of sending them back, with a message scrawled on the front "go away".
When you die you get cards congratulating you on passing your driving test.
