You’ve already broken three New Years resolutions and we’re just out of the first week
Easter Eggs are now on sale. In fact, they were on sale Jan 1st 00:00:01
At least four people you know are detoxing this month, another five say they are but you’ve already been out drinking with them. You’ve just seen three of the four crack and eat a 12” deep pan pizza all to themselves
You’ve returned more than two of your Christmas gifts and have been caught by a member of your family returning YOUR gift – a pact has been struck never to talk of this again
There are more than 10 rotting Christmas trees littering the pavement of your street waiting to be collected as rubbish, expect them all to still be there come summer time – they might even have taken root by then, who knows
Only a third of all predictions from last year have come true and seeing as we’re being more environmentally friendly now – we’re going to add the remainder to this year. And possibly keep on cascading them until they all come true. I still hear they’re trying to reunited the Beatles, by shooting the other two – this might be the year, if Heather McCartney gets her way (allegedly)
You have some sort of unconsumed Christmas food or drink at home somewhere and debate each time you pass it whether it’s still apt to use it. This will get tougher each time you see it and some day you’ll flip out, this it what happened to Saddam Hussein – don’t go down the same route, please
A new series of Celebrity Big Brother has started in the UK and a new season of “24” is about to in the USA – why not combine them? I’d like to see Jack Bauer take out a few C list celebrities, am sure we all would and it will make ‘sensational’ viewing. Perhaps we can even vote via text message which one goes first and by what means
You still wake up at three in the morning screaming, and in a cold sweat at a jumper you Nan bought you as a gift - you were 7 at the time but still it haunts and has clearly, clearly left a scar. They now use the same pattern as wallpaper to torture inmates at Guantanamo bay
Because it’s past December 31st, check the calendar - idiot
